Walking through my Pain, Swimming through my Tears

As I laid crying on my couch this evening, I began to speak to God.
     "God I can't sleep, I can't think clearly, I can't breathe, I can't see! I don't know where to go or what to do! Why is my life like this?!" (All the classic things we say angrily to God.)
     The ranting continued, " God, I'm mad at him, I'm mad her, I'm mad at them! God, I'm mad at You and I'm made at me! God, I'm mad at this and I'm mad at that!"

I then asked Him, "why must we feel pain? God, I understand that life will be hard sometimes, but do we have to feel the pain of it? Do we have to feel the anger, the disappointment, the heartache? People would get through hard times a lot easier and happier if we just didn't have to feel the pain! WE DON'T LIKE PAIN GOD! Don't You know this? We would rather be numb than feel pain. So why? Why must we feel the pain?"

 All of a sudden, everything stopped when I heard His reply. " In this world you will have tribulation, but be of good cheer, for I have overcome the world." In an instant, my tears ceased, and my racing mind stopped. I could breathe again. All that was left was the calm. The best thing and only thing I wanted to do at that moment was to lie in the sound of my Father's voice. And that's what I did.

(In case you are wondering, Only God can bring instant and true peace like that.)

Something that I have recently come to realize is that life keeps on moving when times of hardship and pain come on the scene. And if life keeps moving on, then so can I. Looking back on my life, I can see myself being such a victim when it came to hardships. I would just stop moving, believing, and living. I would retreat within myself. I wouldn't trust anyone and I wouldn't trust God. I would lie in my pain and drown in my tears of self pity. It would take me months to get back on my feet and to start moving again. I did not know and certainly did not believe that I could actually function through the storms of life.

As I find myself on this crazy path called life, I am accepting more and more that it won't always be smooth. There won't always be a beautiful sunrise to watch, or a peaceful lake to sit by. There won't always be a glorious mountain to amaze me, or a magnificent waterfall that will take my breath away.
     Rough terrain, thorn thickets, starless nights and hot deserts will be all that I will see sometimes. But wether I find myself watching a beautiful sunrise or feeling lost in a desert, this truth now beats in my heart. I can always keep on moving. I can keep living. I don't have to lie down or drown.

It's hard to tell if pain is a friend or foe. It can make you suffer, hurt others, hurt yourself, or give up. But on the other hand, pain can make you stronger, wiser, and produce longevity. I guess the pain that comes to us all will be whatever we allow it to be. Friend or Foe. Hmmmm, wait a minute! God just brought to light what a friend has already told me in his own way. How I love revelation.

Hi, my name is Brittany, and I am learning to walk through my pain and swim through my tears.