Think Think Think

 I'm lying here in my bed after a long day. My room is quiet, still, and dimly lit by the light of a small lamp and the t.v. screen that is set on Netflix. 
I am accompanied by God and the many thoughts that are taking laps in my head. It is amazing to me at all the things that go through my head. Thinking about what I am thinking about...


I'm thinking about the shocking words from a loved one that hurt, and the words not spoken to me at all from a friend.
I'm thinking about how I was trying to keep a pleasant face and tone at work today while being highly annoyed from an argument the night before.
I'm thinking about a person who without fail makes me happy every time I get to see them. My heart secretly smiles when they speak and cries when they are not happy. And when it's time to say goodbye again, it wishes that it won't be too long until their face is seen and voice is heard again.
I'm thinking of my friend and brother who is amazing at what he does, and who I admire and look up to. 
I am thinking of a family who has accepted and loves me just the way I am. The good, the bad, and the ugly parts of me. I know I am loved by them.


I'm thinkin that I shouldn't have drank those 2 cokes today. I'm thinkin that I miss the people I used to work with. I'm thinkin about how I imagine myself hitting people with my car when they cut me off or when they yield at a sign that clearly says to KEEP MOVING. 
I'm thinking about the group of ladies that I have the privilege of getting to know better as we all seek to be closer to God. I'm thinking about how I need to be more patient and eat more vegetables. 
I'm thinking about finally meeting my husband one day and wondering if I will say, "where have you been my whole life or Oh My Gosh, it was you this whole time?!" I'm thinking about the day when I will finally be able to hold my first born and tell him or her that I have loved you my whole life.


I'm thinkin that with all this craziness in my head, I can't afford a day without my God next to me. So God, I thank you for being with me now, and for helping me to think about what I am thinking about. I give You this heap off my mind and I take on the mind of Christ and receive your peace.


Rediscovering my life is not the painful journey that it once was. It has become a day to day walk with my Father, who ever so gently continues to peel back layers until my true identity is revealed.